Pretty Guardian Sailor Lilith #10 – « Reflecting »

Shinju Tsukino’s flat was small and pretty much empty. The young woman had greeted Kasumi, apologizing for the poorness of her accommodation, blaming herself for not even being able to serve tea properly. The girl had reassured her, telling her she didn’t mind at all. This was quite true, after all, since she was not exactly here for a casual . Had Shinju lived in a dusty basement, would it have been all the better – Kasumi just wanted to hear about something, and more importantly, she didn’t want anyone else to hear about it.

 

The woman offered her visitor to sit down, and brought her something to drink.

 

‘So, you wanted to know about Lilith, didn’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘All right then. Let me just find a book to show you better... This is not the kind of questions I’m asked every day, you see!’

‘Sorry for the inconvenience.’

‘Not at all! Lilith is a fascinating topic, you know... I wish they would ask me about it every day!’

 

Kasumi tried her best to stay still, while she was growing more and more impatient. Shinju searched a box for a few moments, and pulled a small book out.

 

‘Okay, let’s see... By the way, I hope that you have some elementary knowledge in astronomy.’

‘I think so.’

‘Good. So, you must know that satellites don’t revolve around planets in a circular manner...’

‘Yes, they follow an elliptical course.’

‘That’s right! And, as you might know, an ellipse doesn’t have a single center, bur rather two focuses...’

 

Shinju opened the book and laid it in front of Kasumi, pointing at a diagram.

 

‘Here, you can see the course of the Moon. She revolves around the Earth, which is its first focus. And here, at the place where its second focus should be...’

‘There’s nothing...’

‘Precisely! This is a definite spot which concentrates energy from the Moon unlike any other, and yet it’s empty. It’s what you could call a dark spot. That particular spot is the one we astrologer call the Dark Moon, or Lilith.’

 

Kasumi remained silent for a bit, staring at the diagram in disbelief.

 

‘You’re telling me that Lilith is... nothing?’

‘Pretty much, yes, and that’s why astronomy doesn’t consider it. Astronomers just see pile of rocks floating in space where we astrologers see a meaning, a purpose. I mean, when you read a book, do you care about the number of pages a chapter lasts? Or the font and size of the scripture? As far as I’m concerned, those aspects feel so meaningless to me that I don’t even notice them.’

‘So you do give a meaning to emptiness?’

‘Of course! When you read a book, what can you see at the end of a chapter? A blank page. And even on a single page, each paragraph is punctuated by a stripe of blank paper. Are these areas of emptiness so useless?’

‘They’re here for clarity. They don’t have a meaning as such.’

‘That’s where you’re mistaken. A blank page has a lot of meaning. It says: now, we’re going to deal with a different aspect of the story – or: now, we’re going to see what’s happening elsewhere, to a different character. Or it might even be: don’t start reading the next page yet! first let you ponder this last sentence. By its mere presence, and its total absence of information whatsoever, a page with nothing means everything.’

‘Okay, I get your point. Can you please tell me about Lilith more specifically?’

‘Sure. Well, just like the Dark Moon is the empty focus between Earth – reality – and the Moon – one’s inner world – Lilith represents one’s weaknesses. Think of it as the spot where your character is empty, where a piece seems to be missing...’

‘My memories?’

‘Well, uh, I didn’t think about this actually... But let me take an example: in my own birth chart, Lilith is in Gemini. Since Gemini represent the dual aspect of the character – the relationship between me and myself – the desire of control over things and people, one could say that Lilith makes me the least proficient person at manipulating others. I can’t lie, or more accurately, I don’t see a single good reason why I should do this. Rather, I tend to trust people whole-heartedly, maybe too much from time to time.’

 

Kasumi restrained from saying aloud what she thought inside of herself at that very moment.

 

I must definitely not be a Lilith-Gemini then.

 

‘This is just an example to illustrate how Lilith represents not a bad side, but rather a missing side of yourself. I feel it is important to insist on that point because people tend to see things in black and white. However, there is no such thing as a good or evil planet.’

‘I can hardly see how your missing side thing can be considered otherwise than a bad thing...’

‘A blank page has an incredible power a page which is already filled up doesn’t’, Shinju smiled. ‘The power to be written.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘In order to change, to become a better person, you need to have a side of yourself which is open, through which newness can seep. Think of it that way: if you’re already whole, be it in a good or bad manner, you’re frozen, stuck in time. If I may, look at yourself... would you be so inquisitive if you had all of your memories, if there weren’t things you’d like to know? Doesn’t that emptiness inside you drive you forward?’

 

Kasumi nodded and pondered Shinju’s words for a while.

 

‘It reminds me of something I’ve read in those astronomy books. It was about black holes, those anomalies in space that suck everything around them. Some think that on the other side, there would be some kind of fountain which would in turn create matter. In that extent, black holes could be considered as some sort of recycle bins – they have a destructive action in short-term, but in long-term they might very well be the lungs of our universe.’

‘Yes, you’ve got the point. Whatever creates must destroy something else to do so – and conversely, whatever destroys leaves the possibility to recreate afterwards.’

‘So, basically, Lilith leaves a flaw in your character on purpose, just as to urge you to fill it in?’

‘That’s one way to put it.’

‘Okay.’

 

Shinju used the short intermission that followed to get more drinks.

 

‘By the way’, she said as she came back, ‘I’m curious about one thing – how did you come to talk to me about Lilith in the first place?’

 

The imminent threat alert suddenly rang in Kasumi’s mind. For a second, she was tempted to make up another lie, but she could hardly do so considering everything she hard shared with Shinju. She couldn’t pretend that she only had a casual interest in Lilith, and even if she did, that wouldn’t explain where she could have heard the name – even a thorough search at the science library had proven useless.

 

The girl tried to clear her thoughts. After all, the truth was as unlikely as any lie she could think of – if not even more. And since Shinju seemed to know quite a bit about Lilith, maybe telling her about her dreams would make her notice details that she had missed. Besides, she hadn’t turned pale at the name of Lilith, just like Usagi. Maybe she was trustworthy after all.

 

Kasumi stared at the astrologer and finally spoke.

 

‘It’s related to my dreams... But please promise me you won’t tell anyone about that... Not even Usagi.’

‘You have my word.’

 

Shinju looked as serious as Ami had been a few hours later, but it was over a promise rather than an interrogation. This helped Kasumi feel a bit relieved. She started to tell everything regarding her dreams – that is, everything she could remember.

 

‘So, in your dreams, you see yourself as Sailor Lilith?’

‘Not exactly. She appears as a different person. I’m there, too, it’s just that people can’t see or hear me.’

‘These are peculiar dreams indeed...’

‘Super heroines dressed in sailor uniform fighting evil creatures... How dumb is that?’

‘Well, actually, I don’t think it is.’

‘You don’t?’

‘Not at all. Your dreams are full of symbolism.’

‘Because of the planets?’

‘Mainly, yes. When I come to think of it, you might not know that, but this Sailor Moon stuff actually exists.’

‘Sorry?’ Kasumi asked doubtfully.

 

Shinju burst into laughter.

 

‘Sorry... I didn’t mean in the real world. But people do talk about it, you know... It’s some sort of an urban legend.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes! By the way, to tell you the truth, that’s one of the reasons why I decided to come to the Juuban district – that Sailor Moon legend is so vivid here, and it’s so remarkably inspired with astrology, that I figured it might give my business a push.’

‘So, in your opinion, the planets associated with those different sailor girls would bear an astrological significance?

‘Oh yes, clearly! Take Sailor Mars, for example. In astrology, Mars is associated with energy, dynamism, ambition, aggressivity, conflict. Well then, isn’t Sailor Mars the fiercest of all? Isn’t she the one who never gives up the fight? And what better way to battle, as the symbol of Mars, than with fire, which is pure energy?’

 

Kasumi nodded. Indeed, it made sense. Also, it explained why her subconscious would spontaneously associate Sailor Mars with Rei’s face.

 

‘So, what do you reckon Sailor Lilith’s role might be?’

‘Well, that’s a very good question. Especially considering that she has a very ambiguous position... See there, we find Lilith’s ambivalent symbolic again.’

‘A flaw in the Sailor Guardians to leave them open to change...’

‘You’re getting into it! Yes, that might be... It would be a very beautiful metaphor, by the way...’

‘How so?’

‘You said the Sailor Guardians can’t manage to defeat those white golems... Maybe it’s a test. Maybe it’s time for them to endure a major change, and Sailor Lilith is there to help them.’

 

All these considerations were making Kasumi dizzy. As she absent-mindedly watched the clock, she realized it was already late, and she had to go. She didn’t want to be late to the dinner at the Tsukinos’, especially since they were so nice with her.

 

‘Thank you for your insight’, she told Shinju. ‘It was very valuable.’

‘It’s me thanking you! I scarcely have the opportunity to speak so passionately of my job! So don’t hesitate to come again anytime! I’ll have proper tea by then...’

‘Thank you for the drink.’

 

As Kasumi was on the threshold of the front door, Shinju’s voice called her once again.

 

‘Say, Kasumi-chan... How about living in your own flat?’

‘Well, uh, I haven’t considered it yet, I guess...’

‘How about living together?’

‘With you?!’

‘Yes, with me. Unless you don’t like to have me around, of course...’

‘No, I... I appreciate your company, it’s just that... I had never considered this possibility...’

‘Well, to tell you the truth, I took this flat because it was the only one I could afford right now. But if you’d like we could rent a bigger, nicer flat together... this would allow me to get more serious as an astrologer, and it would give you more freedom. What do you think?’

‘I-I-I’ll think about it.’

 

Kasumi quickly turned back and left. Seeing people suspicous about her interest in astronomy, learning that she dreamt of an actual urban legend, then getting offered to share a flat. It sure had been a strange day.